It feels like forever since my first post…it has only been 2 months.

My search for answers has gone on for over 15 years, so why do these last 2 months feel like forever? I believe it stems from the enormous feeling of relief that I felt when my physician was willing to pursue a diagnosis two months ago. It’s funny to think that being tested for MS could be a relief but it truly is- I probably sound trite but I know that I have MS, I feel like I have always known.

I have a flashback every once in awhile to my first set of hospital rounds. Our class visited a ward at a regional hospital and for the morning we were all assigned our first patient. I remember every detail of that day like it was yesterday- the dimly lit room, the puke coloured window curtains and an overwhelming smell of spilled urine. I remember the feeling of my heart pounding in my chest and an intense feeling to flee the room. I can recall every detail of the patients appearance, right down to the freckle above his right eye. Most intensely, I remember the fear that I saw in his brown eyes, a look that I will never forget, a look that kept me in his room.

I remember every detail because his illness terrified me- he was 25 years old and he had MS in its most progressive form.

I’m told that MS is difficult to diagnose and every other possibility has to be ruled out. All of my lab work and ecg’s have come back “unremarkable”. This is the part that feels like forever…ruling out every other possibility.

Today was an exciting day as I saw an Ophthalmologist. I have a large number of visual problems that come and go, some are definitely visual, others could be vestibular- more things to sort out. They are all concerning but mostly they are annoying.

My exam today revealed some peripheral vision issues and what appears to be slight swelling of my optic nerve. Next stop is an eye ultrasound, an evoked potential test and additional peripheral visual field testing. My vision and the structure of my eye are both“unremarkable” and that is good news.

I am hopeful that todays visit will speed up the process for my MRI.

My thoughts on waiting…“Unremarkable”

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